HELP ME!! Help me……

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I’m dangling from the edge here!

Can you see me?

Do you even care?

Do you hear my cries?

I can’t take it anymore!

HELP ME!

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I hide my pain and depression from the outside word behind closed shower doors.  I pray that my family can not hear me.  I pray that the hot steaming water will not only ease my swollen and tight muscles, but that it will also wash away the salty tears that seem to pour from my eyes this days.  Living in a world of constant pain is starting to take it’s toll on me mentally.

I’m tired.  I just want to stay in bed and cry.  I’m tired of hurting.  I’m tired of faking it, tired of pretended that I am okay, because I am not okay.  I’m tired of crying myself to sleep worrying about tomorrow.  Tired of wondering what people will say.  Tired of carrying this burden by myself, yet caring to much to put it on someone else’s shoulder.

Yes, I am fighting depression!  I will not deny it!  It’s hard not to get depressed when doing the simple things of life cause you great pain.

I feel all alone in my agony.  

Those who really care get upset when I talk about it.  People ask you how you are doing, but they really don’t want to know.  Their expression tells the truth.  Most people find it hard to believe that a person could hurt so bad, yet keep going.  Surely it must not be as bad as we say.

I wanna scream out –HELP ME!  But who is their that listens?  Who is their that cares?  Is there anybody out there who understands what I am going through?  God help me.  I’m going down, sinking into this ocean of depression.  Help me!

And then, there it is….after crying and sobbing until no tears will come, and no words are left…I hear it in the quietness of my despair. It’s a song from my past.  I song* I sang in the youth choir many years ago.

Lord, Help me walk
another mile, just one more mile;
I’m tired of walkin’ all alone.
Lord, Help me smile
another smile, just one more smile;
I know I just can’t make it on my own.
I never thought I needed help before;
I thought that I could do things by myself.
Now I know I just can’t take it any more.
With a humble heart, on bended knee,
I’m beggin’ You, please, Help Me.
Come down from Your golden
throne to me, to lowly me;
I need to feel the touch of Your tender hand.
Remove the chains of darkness
and let me see, Lord let me see;
Just where I fit into your master plan.
I never thought I needed help before;
I thought that I could do things by myself.
Now I know I just can’t take it any more.
With a humble heart, on bended knee,
I’m beggin’ You, please, Help Me.

Help me, Lord.  Help me.  Are the only words I can mutter…

COME TO ME, COME TO ME, MY CHILD

I take my Bible in my hands and say guide me, Lord, guide me.  It opens to the next Psalm in my daily reading….

Psalm 40

I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.  

 He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay,

and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.

 And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God:

many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord.

Blessed is that man that maketh the Lord his trust, and respecteth not the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.  Many, O Lord my God, are thy wonderful works which thou hast done, and thy thoughts which are to us-ward: they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee: if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered.  Sacrifice and offering thou didst not desire; mine ears hast thou opened: burnt offering and sin offering hast thou not required.

 Then said I, Lo, I come: in the volume of the book it is written of me,  I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.  I have preached righteousness in the great congregation: lo, I have not refrained my lips, O Lord, thou knowest.  I have not hid thy righteousness within my heart; I have declared thy faithfulness and thy salvation: I have not concealed thy lovingkindness and thy truth from the great congregation.

 Withhold not thou thy tender mercies from me, O Lord: let thy lovingkindness and thy truth continually preserve me. For innumerable evils have compassed me about: mine iniquities have taken hold upon me, so that I am not able to look up; they are more than the hairs of mine head: therefore my heart faileth me.

 Be pleased, O Lord, to deliver me: O Lord, make haste to help me.

 Let them be ashamed and confounded together that seek after my soul to destroy it; let them be driven backward and put to shame that wish me evil.  Let them be desolate for a reward of their shame that say unto me, Aha, aha.  Let all those that seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee: let such as love thy salvation say continually, The Lord be magnified.

 But I am poor and needy; yet the Lord thinketh upon me:

thou art my help and my deliverer; make no tarrying, O my God.

“I love you. I care. I am listening. I know it is tough, but I promise you, I will see you through this.  I will not let you go through it alone.  I will give you a new song and when this time has passed, all will hear it and rejoice in Me because of your testimony.  Lay it on my shoulders.  I can and will carry it.  Trust Me, Trust Me.”

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Thank you, Father for picking me up out of this pit.  I know there are days yet ahead that are going to be rough.  There are days ahead that I will have to fight with everything that is within me.  But, praise be to You my gracious and great Savior, You are within me.  With You fighting for me I am not alone!  I trust You.  I believe there are greater things yet to come.  Help me.  Help me keep my focus on You.  Open my eyes to see all the beauty of this life.  Remind me of my blessings.  Remind me of all the things I have to live for.  Thank You for reaching down to me, when I don’t have the strength to reach up to You.  With a humble heart of love and gratitude I say Amen to You will, Your way.

For my friends who are suffering depression today….For those who think they have no one to turn to…To those who think they have no purpose….I share this video with you….

*the song above is titled “Help Me” and was written by Larry Gatlin.

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7 thoughts on “HELP ME!! Help me……

  1. Pingback: HELP ME!! Help me…… | living in abundance

  2. Thanks for sharing so transparently from your heart in this post. I too have been in a pit of depression before and I understand your pain. I love how you ultimately circled back around to the faithfulness of God. He is truly our rock and deliverer. May He continue to strengthen you in your time of trouble. I love the words from the song you mentioned. Our faith walk is really like a marathon…..one step at a time. Up the hills. Around the twists and turns. Through the valleys. But our God is with us each step of the way. God bless you dear sister in Christ!

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  3. I have fallen into depression…a word that was never part of my vocabulary until now…I am the happy sassy social momma that’s always smiling laughing and telling others advice, However now is a different story. Please pray for me. Here’s a short version of my life now ::::. I am Julie White. Aka “Momma JuJu” Mother of two babies on earth, and one angel in heaven. I am in Mason County, West Virginia…Trying to serve God the best I can in this crazy messed up world we live in. I lost my daddy on August 22nd, having him live with us the last 11 years and now he is gone, has taken a huge toll on my mental state. I am an emotional wreck. My son who is 13 found him passed away in his bed,My Dad “pawpa” was his hero, his baseball, football and wrestling coach and lived with us 11 of his 13 years, so he is struggling alot without his pawpa here. That was august 22nd, then we lost great grandpa on september 11th and our niece on october 30th.. please keep us in prayer we have a lot of greiving to get thru….the last 3 months have been awful… alos my husband has been laid off leaving us no means for a Christmas this year

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    • I am so sorry Julie to hear this. I will be keeping you in my prayers. Life is so hard, but God has promised He will never leave us or forsake us. I don’t know why and can not give you answers but this I know—whenever God allows us to go through such hardships there is a greater blessing coming. I was a Daddy’s girl. My Dad went to heaven in July of 2001. That February I had held the hand of my Step-Grandfather as he took his final breath. As you know September 11 came–I was in the travel and vacation industry. I lost my job. December came and brought the death of an Uncle who I loved dearly. It was a horrible year. But God brought me through it. He BROUGHT me. I could not have survived without Him. Maybe, just maybe it was so I could understand and help you.
      I also tell people to Grieve. Cry when you need too. Get angry. But never shut God out. Tell Him what you are feeling, even the bad stuff. Ask Him why, but never doubt He is in control. Tell him you are hurting, you are angry. Believe me His shoulders are big enough to carry it. Let Him hold you in His arms. Let Him carry you through this. Crawl up in to His lap and let Him whisper peace to your soul. He loves you, and He will carry you through this.
      Please know that you and your family will be in my prayers. Feel free to send me messages. I’ll be glad to listen and to share with you.

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